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A couple of weeks ago somebody in my personal life made me really, reaaallly, reeaaaalllllyyy ANGRY!! In some parts of my home turf, we might call it Spittin’ Mad.

I don’t want to go in to too much detail (to protect the incredibly guilty and moronic), but it was the kind of thing that was still bothering me several days later. I am happy to say that by using some tools and processes, I was able to get my pulse back to normal and move on to more positive matters.

So, what were the quick and easy steps really hard and emotionally draining steps I took to get over this incident?

1. Walk Away and Don’t Say a Word. Or maybe Say As Little As Possible. I didn’t want to escalate the situation at this point. (Quite seriously, it could have come to blows.) Luckily, I don’t live or work with the person I was angry at, so I was able to take a break of several days. The point of this step was just to get myself a little emotional breathing room to get calmed down. If you do live or work with the person you’re angry at, you might want to go someplace else, or at least declare a “timeout.”
2. Feel the Anger. When the initial heat of the moment had cooled, but I realized I was still dwelling on my emotions, I decided I needed a little catharsis. For about 10-15 minutes, I concentrated as hard as I could and re-created the incident in my mind. I imagined all the clever comebacks I could have said. I even visualized backing the offender into a corner and giving him a long, threatening, Godfather-esque talking too. During this time, I happened to have my heart rate monitor handy, so I put it on. My pulse was about 10 beats per minute higher than my resting heart rate! That bit of biofeedback was what I needed to realize how self-destructive anger can be, so I decided to get rid of it as quickly as possible.
3. Try a little Loving Kindness. Loving kindness is a type of Buddhist meditation, but you certainly don’t need to be a Buddhist to benefit from it. I have found that it is helpful for dissipating negative feelings toward anyone from famous people to the jerk who cut me off in traffic this morning. The following example of a loving-kindness meditation comes from ContemplativeMind.org:

“May I be free from inner and outer harm and danger. May I be safe and protected.

May I be free of mental suffering or distress.
May I be happy.

May I be free of physical pain and suffering.
May I be healthy and strong.

May I be able to live in this world happily,
peacefully, joyfully, with ease.”

After you cover “I”, go through a list of people you like, and some you don’t like. Be sure to include the person that’s really got you going!

After going through this process - which took a couple of days - I was slowly able to let go of my anger. Please let me know if you have techniques that have worked for you in the past - I have a short fuse and could use the help!

Photo by Charles Slay. Available at http://www.flickr.com/photos/32256591@N00/17276881/