Yesterday we talked about the difference between a New Year’s resolution and choosing a Compass Direction for your year. If you haven’t done that exercise, read Traveling By Your Inner Compass: A Guide to a Better 2009, do the exercise and come back in a few minutes.
[Long Pause....]
Welcome back! Now that you have a compass direction, you’re probably wondering, “How in the hell is this going to help me live a better life?” If you just leave it at the level of abstraction, it isn’t. Today we’re going to begin looking at ways to create action plans based on our directions.
I hope you’ll follow along.
Long Term Planning Doesn’t Work
I’ve been doing organizational and individual planning for about 8 years now and I can tell you without doubt that it’s useless to plan for anything longer than a year. In fact, for most people most of the time, a plan is good for about a week. After that, something is bound to change. You’ll be blown off course and you’ll have to start again.
The good news is that you’ve set a compass direction, so a storm won’t get you lost, it may just require a course correction. The whole idea behind Traveling By Your Inner Compass is to give you a heading to steer toward. It doesn’t matter how many times you have to tack (sorry for all the sailing analogies – they just work!), you’ll get there eventually.
So, if long term planning isn’t useful, how do you begin to translate your compass direction into a to-do list?
First, Start With the Possibilities
Chances are that your compass direction is pretty broad. As an example, mine is “Reach Out.” There are a lot of different activities that can fit under this broad direction. I made the following list of things I could do to “Reach Out” both online and offline in 2009:
- Guest post on other blogs
- Become more active in forums
- Host a teleseminar or UStream event
- Join a group exercise class
- Lead a community service project
- Call one close friend every week
- Send a handwritten letter every week
- Network with a new group
- Travel to 2 new places
This took me less than a minute and I could go on for quite a while.
Your exercise for today is to make a similar list. Trust me, it won’t take very long before you have an overwhelming number of possibilities. You are not committing to doing all of these, or even one of them right now. This is just a brainstorming list.
When you’re finished, leave a list of 4 or 5 of your possibilities in the comments section. Also, don’t forget to follow me on Twitter. I’m tweeting a couple of tips per day to help you through this process.
Tomorrow we’ll be Plotting Out the First Week of action!!
Photo by Kriss Szkurlatowski
Posted by Maria Gajewski on 01.06.2009 at 5:00 pm// Tagged: HowTo, personal change , new years resolution, personal_development, self-improvement //
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It’s a New Year, and if you’re anything like me, I bet you’re full of energy and ready to make a lot of positive changes in your life. The bad news is, this energy isn’t going to last! Within a few weeks (or maybe even a few days!) life is going to get in the way and your attention is going to move on to something that seems more urgent.
So we’ve got to act fast. Today is the day to start moving in the direction you want to go. If you don’t start now, you may just put it off for another year, or two, or forever! Then one day you’ll wake up and realize that you’ve missed your chance to do something incredible. Life is short and I don’t want that to happen to me or to you!
That is why I’ve put together a ton of motivational and useful content over the next two weeks. I hope you’ll follow along, do the exercises I share, think about what your life looks like now and what you want it to be in the future, and most importantly, start to take ACTION toward making it happen!!
How is This Not a New Year’s Resolution?
On the surface, this process may seem a lot like what many of us go through when we make New Year’s resolutions and we all know that those don’t work. Bear with me, and I’ll show you how this process is very different. This site is about change, and how to work with change, rather than fight against it. I’ve searched far and wide to find ways to change my life for the better even though the world is changing, and I’m going to share a very unique way of thinking with you. I hope it benefits you in the same way it has helped me.
I call this process Traveling by Your Inner Compass. It’s a lot different than the typical SMART goals that most coaches and counselors advise you to make. In brief, Traveling by Your Inner Compass means:
- Living by your heart, not society’s expectations (or your own guilt)
- Following an interesting path, even if it isn’t the straightest one
- Accepting that all plans have to change, and looking forward to the new opportunities that change brings
- Recognizing that nothing lasts forever – even the really good and really bad stuff
If that sounds like something that speaks to you, I hope you’ll follow along. This is the first post in a five part series, so keep reading all week!
Finding Your Direction
The first step in taking a journey is to find out where you would like to go. Sure, you could just start walking. If you’re the type of person who is comfortable with that, I definitely support your wandering. However, if you’re reading this site, you probably want some sort of guidance in your travels.
Before you can start Traveling by Your Inner Compass, you first have to find where it’s pointed. What do I mean by that? We all have hopes and desires that excite us to the core of being. Think about an idea, relationship or a project you’ve been involved in that just made you feel giddy, like there were 1,000 butterflies having a dance party in your stomach. That’s the type of excitement we’re looking for!
Most of us have spent a lot of time and energy trying to squash the thoughts that get us this excited. We’ve decided to do what is “ safe†by going to school, picking a “practical†occupation, and finding a “secure†job. If you’ve done this and you can honestly say that you are 100% happy with your choices, then I applaud you. No need to read further. If you’re one of the 99.9% of the planet’s population that thinks things could be a bit better for you, this post is talking to you.
It may seem hard to discover what excites you, but I think you’ll find that it’s actually quite simple. Here’s an exercise you can do in 10 minutes to figure it out:
Take out a sheet of paper and list all of the things that you do in a typical week. (This doesn’t include vacations are anything unusual like that.)
Put a + next to everything you think is Fun, and a – next to everything you think is Not Fun.
Think about what the Fun things have in common. As an example, they might be activities where you get to help people, they may be times of quiet reflection, creativity, extreme sports, or what have you.
Give the Fun things a label like “Adventure,†“Serving Others,†or “Constantly Learning.†That is your direction for the year. (Some people call this a theme, so if that helps, use it.)
I know this seems way too simple to work, but that is the whole point! This process should be easy and it should be super fun! Even the hard stuff should be super fun! If you have to force yourself to work on something, then it isn’t what your heart really wants. Keep doing it if it’s the only way to pay your bills, but other than that, let it go. (We’ll talk about this more in other parts of this series.)
My Direction for 2009
I’d be a total hypocrite if I didn’t follow my own advice, so I’ll be doing the exercises as we go along as well. When I made my list of Fun and Not Fun stuff, I realized that I have been enjoying all of the opportunities I’ve had in the past few years to travel and meet new people. I’ve also had the chance to meet some cool people in the virtual world. I’m not always the best at nurturing relationships, but I value them a lot. Because of that, my direction for 2009 is: Reach Out.
I think it’s a great direction to travel in and I’m super excited about it. In fact, my first action based on Reach Out is to invite all of you to travel along with me for the rest of this week. Tomorrow we are going to explore ways to start taking the first steps in your new direction.
I also invite everyone to do the 10 minute exercise and share your theme in the comments, or on your own blog. If you’re a blogger, just send me a link at maria (at) neverthesamerivertwice (dot) com and I’ll include you on an update to this post.
Here’s to an awesome journey in 2009!!
Photo by Kriss Szkurlatowski
Posted by Maria Gajewski on 01.05.2009 at 12:00 pm// Tagged: Featured, HowTo, personal change , new years resolution, personal-development, S.M.A.R.T goals, self-improvement //
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It’s New Year’s Eve. In a few hours, the sun will be setting in the U.S. and tens of millions of people will go forth to eat, drink, and dance in the New Year.
In the morning, many of those people won’t be feeling too well. They’ll have headaches, hangovers and upset stomachs. They’ll look in the mirror and be greeted with a face that is bloated by alcohol and too much rich holiday food. They’ll have wrinkles and bags and their skin will look sallow. And many of these people will have the thought, “Never again! This year is going to be different. I’ll workout every day! I’ll eat salad! I won’t ever drink again! I’ll pay off my credit cards and start saving for my retirement!” And some of these people will actually follow through on these resolutions…
Until Saturday. Then they’ll go out again, put their bar tab on their credit card, and have a little too much rum. Trust me on this. I have been there, done that, and have a pile of t-shirts to prove it.
I’ve said it before, and I’m going to say it again: New Year’s resolutions are crap. They don’t work. Never have, never will. About the only people they help are health clubs and professional organizers. So why do most of us get caught up this trap? And how do we get out of it?
No One Else Can Tell You What You Want
The biggest problem with most New Year’s resolutions is that they are focused on things that people think they’re supposed to want. What are the top resolutions? I don’t have a source for this, but I’m guessing the top five are things like:
- Lose weight
- Exercise more
- Eat better
- Get organized
- Get out of debt
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be healthier, more organized, and better off financially, but did you notice that all of the things on this list have thousands of products with huge advertising budgets to go along with them?! I hate to break it to you, but we’re all being brainwashed. If you want to change something, you better really want it, because there are going to be times when it’s hard.
You Can’t Change Everything At Once
Another huge problem with New Year’s resolutions is that lots of people decide to change about 50 major things all at once. A lot of these things are contradictory to each other, and they all take time. For example, let’s say you want to lose weight, travel more, and pay down your debt. Well, travel usually costs money, which makes it hard to pay down debt. It also makes it more difficult to eat healthy and exercise regularly. Losing weight generally costs a bit of money, which causes issues with paying down the debt.
No matter what you might think, you’re probably a lousy multi-tasker.
Know What Outcome You Want
So, when you lose 50 pounds and finish the Boston Marathon, what will it get you? Chances are you don’t have a clue. Most people who make New Year’s resolutions don’t really know what they want to accomplish from them. They imagine themselves sweating it out at the gym, or staring at their shiny clean office and have no idea what they’re going to do next. What is all of the pain and suffering going to get you? Is it worth it? Will you even care anymore when if you get there?
If you have no plan for your newfound skills, organization, or superhuman endurance, you’re probably not going to succeed. “Because it’s there” may be good enough for crazy mountain climbers, but it doesn’t work well for the rest of us.
How To Make a Decent New Year’s Resolution
Okay, so I’ve just torn down everything you know about making a New Year’s resolution. Yay!! Now, I get to build you back up again in my own image (bwahaha!!!). Seriously, there are real ways to make positive changes in your life. You probably even know how to do it, but I’m happy to remind you.
The formula for successful change:
- Have a real reason for wanting to change. Chances are, there’s something in your life that is making you unhappy. If you change it you will probably be happier. Think through all of the things that you do, have, and are and pick one that really sucks. Figure out what is so terrible about it. Be really specific. When you’re done you should have a statement like, “I hate being in debt and broke all the time. It hurts me way down in my soul to know that I can’t give my kids everything I want them to have. It tears me up inside that I can’t build up a healthy retirement account and if I keep going this way I’ll have to rely on the kindness of strangers and eat cat food when I’m too old and sick to work.”
- Pick one thing that you can do to make it better right now. If you’re going to start working on this, you better start right away before you get distracted by something shiny (or by Twitter). Find one thing that will take 5-30 minutes and do it right now – even before you finish reading this post. If you’re broke, decide to spend the smallest amount of money possible tonight. Set aside that amount of cash and only carry that tonight. Don’t even bring your credit card. When you run out of money, go home even if it’s before midnight. Or sign up for automatic billpay, or put something for sale on eBay. It really doesn’t matter. Just do something.
- Decide what you’re going to do to make it better for the next 30 days. Be realistic here. You can make good progress by working on something for 10-30 minutes a day. Choose things you can do consistently so that you can get started building a habit. Keeping with our example of our broke friend, I bet most of us could find 1 item to sell everyday and get it listed on Craigslist or eBay. After 30 days of that, this person will have some serious extra cash to put toward debt.
- Adjust your aim weekly. No plan is perfect from the start, so take a few minutes each week to decide what is working for you and what needs some adjustment. If the broke person runs out of stuff worth selling after day 20, no big deal. There are about 1,000 things he or she can do after that to improve the situation. They key is to keep refining your actions, get more effective, and get closer to what you want.
- If you relapse, look back at your progress and keep going. Everyone screws up when trying to change something important. If it were easy to change, everyone’s life would be perfect all the time. The good news is that you’ve made some progress and it’s pretty unlikely that any relapse is going to undo all of your progress. Even if our broke friend had a huge disaster and piled up a bunch of bills, he or she has learned a lot of skills that will help with the rebounding process. Look at what you’ve learned, assess where you are right now, and figure out how you’re going to keep moving forward. You might have taken a step back, but before that you had two steps forward. Appreciate and enjoy that.
Make a Resolution to Keep Up With This Site
Okay, I’m going to be really honest. This article is just a teaser post for a lot of really good stuff that I have in the pipes. I basically just did a really short summary of my soon-to-be eBook Changes That Stick: How to Create Lasting Changes. My resolution for 2009 is to really amp up the value on this blog and I’m going to get off to a running start for the next couple of weeks. If you want to make some changes in your life, you need to follow along. Here’s what you can do right now to get started:
- Subscribe to the blog. If you’re not signed up with RSS or through your email do that so you don’t miss a thing.
- Follow me on Twitter. I’m using Twitter as a true microblogging platform and will be tweeting tips to keep you on track with your changes.
So go ahead and go out tonight. Get your dance on, have a good time, and then be ready to get to work. 2009 is going to be awesome!!
Photo by jekemp
Posted by Maria Gajewski on 12.31.2008 at 2:38 pm// Tagged: personal change , goal setting, new years resolution //
11 Comments »
Merry Christmas!!, if that’s your thing. If not, Happy Wednesday!!! I just wanted to let everyone know that I’m taking a few days off to celebrate the holidays with family and friends (and open lots of presents – I LOVE presents!).
I’m also in the process of putting together some awesome stuff for the first couple of weeks of January. Those awesome things include:
- The release of Changes That Stick: How to Make Lasting Changes, the ebook. This is going to be based on my blog series of the same name, but will include lots of additional content. I am working to create a solid resource that helps you make real changes to your life. The best part is that it will be 100% free and is an ethical bribe to convince you to sign up for…
- The Lasting Changes Newsletter. I will be launching my newsletter during the first week of January, and I hope that you’ll be one of my first subscribers. The newsletter will feature content that you won’t find on the blog, and will be focused on making positive changes in your life and doing that in ways that are enjoyable and fulfilling. It will be a nice complement to a new series on the blog about…
- Living Your Best Life in 2009. If Oprah can do it, so can I! The first two weeks of 2009 are going to feature a ton of content on how you can get closer to your best life, one small step at a time. This series will show you how taking one small action in just 5 minutes to 1 hour every day will help you live the life you desire, in less time than you think.
I hope you have a great Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanza/Festivus/New Year. 2009 is going to be awesome, and I’m glad that you’ll be here for the ride!! Be sure to subscribe to free site updates through an RSS reader or by email so you don’t miss a thing!
Photo by Sophie.
Posted by Maria Gajewski on 12.24.2008 at 8:00 am// Tagged: Random Thoughts, mindset //
4 Comments »
According to some top scientists, human beings over the age of 30 hardly ever change their lives successfully. In fact, they go on to argue, that it is almost biologically impossible for us to change after we pass our 20′s.
Do you agree with that? Are you willing to accept it – especially if you’ve passed the Big 3-0?
I’m 31 as I write this. I say they’re wrong, and I’m going to use their own arguments to explain why, and show you how you can successfully make major changes in your life.
Why is it So Hard to Change?
A recent article in Scientific American (Set in Our Ways: Why Change is So Hard) made the argument that very few people over the age of 30 successfully make changes in their lives. In the research that this article reports on, scientists found that all people become less interested in change as we age. This happens in all cultures, so they believe that there is a biological reason for at least part of this behavior. They also include a few other reasons:
- Life gets complicated as you get older. Most people over the age of 30 have some large barriers to change such as a spouse, children, a mortgage, a career. Change can threaten some or all of these commitments.
- Novelty becomes less attractive over time. People get pretty comfortable in their ruts. You know how it is. You come home after a long day at work, flip on the TV like always, eat the same dinner you ate last Tuesday, and go to bed at the same time every night. Even if a behavior isn’t making us happy, we often continue it out of sheer inertia. It takes a lot of energy to change habits, and not many people are willing to put in the effort.
- Unrealistic expectations for the ripple effects of change. In the article, the author uses the example of a woman wanting to lose 20 pounds so she can meet the perfect partner and live happily ever after. That may be a bit much to expect from a diet!
These are some pretty large barriers to change, but we know that many people make successful changes – no matter how old they are. How do they do it?
What is the Secret to Making Lasting Changes?
This article has a very negative tone to it, but it does sneak in a few helpful suggestions that can help you plan a successful change.
- Figure out your tolerance for change. Everyone has a different set point for openness to change. If you’re naturally change resistant, you will need to start very small and gradually build up your tolerance. It’s a bit like exercise. Pick the tiniest change you can make, just like you’d pick the lightest dumbbell on the rack.
- Take it 1 change at a time. In the example above, the woman who wanted to loose weight actually wanted 3 or 4 other things as well – and none of them were related! If you’re just getting started with change, pick one thing to work on. Our example woman could be successful if she decided to loose weight OR started dating to find a partner OR worked on her own internal happiness. She probably won’t succeed if she tries to do all 3 at once.
- Figure out the real cause and effect relationship. Again picking on our weight loss woman, she is seeing a cause and effect relationship that doesn’t really exist. There is no rule that says you can’t get a partner if you’re 20 pounds overweight. There is also no rule that says you’ll be happy if you find a partner. Unpack your issues and think about why you want to make a particular change. If you don’t have a real desire to do it, or you’re only doing it because you think it will get you what you really want, rethink your strategies and work on the core issue.
- Start sooner, because later never comes. If it’s inevitable that we become more resistant to change with time, it’s always better to start a change quickly. This gives you more time, and helps you take advantage of all the mental flexibility you have right now, no matter what your age.
As I write this post, 2008 is drawing to a close. Tomorrow I’m going to share some announcements on my plans for this site in January 2009. I hope you’ll stay tuned, and that you’ll join me as we all work together to change our lives for the better. Be sure to subscribe to free site updates through an RSS reader or by email so you don’t miss a thing!
Photo by Nate Brelsford.
Posted by Maria Gajewski on 12.23.2008 at 10:10 am// Tagged: HowTo, personal change , mindset, resistance to change //
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