How to Change When You’re Over 30
According to some top scientists, human beings over the age of 30 hardly ever change their lives successfully. In fact, they go on to argue, that it is almost biologically impossible for us to change after we pass our 20’s.
Do you agree with that? Are you willing to accept it – especially if you’ve passed the Big 3-0?
I’m 31 as I write this. I say they’re wrong, and I’m going to use their own arguments to explain why, and show you how you can successfully make major changes in your life.
Why is it So Hard to Change?
A recent article in Scientific American (Set in Our Ways: Why Change is So Hard) made the argument that very few people over the age of 30 successfully make changes in their lives. In the research that this article reports on, scientists found that all people become less interested in change as we age. This happens in all cultures, so they believe that there is a biological reason for at least part of this behavior. They also include a few other reasons:
- Life gets complicated as you get older. Most people over the age of 30 have some large barriers to change such as a spouse, children, a mortgage, a career. Change can threaten some or all of these commitments.
- Novelty becomes less attractive over time. People get pretty comfortable in their ruts. You know how it is. You come home after a long day at work, flip on the TV like always, eat the same dinner you ate last Tuesday, and go to bed at the same time every night. Even if a behavior isn’t making us happy, we often continue it out of sheer inertia. It takes a lot of energy to change habits, and not many people are willing to put in the effort.
- Unrealistic expectations for the ripple effects of change. In the article, the author uses the example of a woman wanting to lose 20 pounds so she can meet the perfect partner and live happily ever after. That may be a bit much to expect from a diet!
These are some pretty large barriers to change, but we know that many people make successful changes – no matter how old they are. How do they do it?
What is the Secret to Making Lasting Changes?
This article has a very negative tone to it, but it does sneak in a few helpful suggestions that can help you plan a successful change.
- Figure out your tolerance for change. Everyone has a different set point for openness to change. If you’re naturally change resistant, you will need to start very small and gradually build up your tolerance. It’s a bit like exercise. Pick the tiniest change you can make, just like you’d pick the lightest dumbbell on the rack.
- Take it 1 change at a time. In the example above, the woman who wanted to loose weight actually wanted 3 or 4 other things as well – and none of them were related! If you’re just getting started with change, pick one thing to work on. Our example woman could be successful if she decided to loose weight OR started dating to find a partner OR worked on her own internal happiness. She probably won’t succeed if she tries to do all 3 at once.
- Figure out the real cause and effect relationship. Again picking on our weight loss woman, she is seeing a cause and effect relationship that doesn’t really exist. There is no rule that says you can’t get a partner if you’re 20 pounds overweight. There is also no rule that says you’ll be happy if you find a partner. Unpack your issues and think about why you want to make a particular change. If you don’t have a real desire to do it, or you’re only doing it because you think it will get you what you really want, rethink your strategies and work on the core issue.
- Start sooner, because later never comes. If it’s inevitable that we become more resistant to change with time, it’s always better to start a change quickly. This gives you more time, and helps you take advantage of all the mental flexibility you have right now, no matter what your age.
As I write this post, 2008 is drawing to a close. Tomorrow I’m going to share some announcements on my plans for this site in January 2009. I hope you’ll stay tuned, and that you’ll join me as we all work together to change our lives for the better. Be sure to subscribe to free site updates through an RSS reader or by email so you don’t miss a thing!
Photo by Nate Brelsford.
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Whilst I can’t comment from my own experience (yet), I’m pretty sure that in 2.5 years when I am 30 I’ll still be able to change! I think it’s probably never too late, as long as you know where you want to go and how to get there you will do. Put your mind to it and you can achieve anything right – so as long as you have your mind then you can go for it.
Obviously base jumping at age 100 might not be a good idea if you have weak bones.
Chris (from Lifestyle Project)s last blog post..Why I Blog (and 5 other random things)
I think those scientists are sad people.
It may be that they are working in the same way with the same ideas as when they started their careers (because of publish or perish?). It may be that they treat their children the same at 20 as at 2. If so they are rather sad people.
Or it may be that they are just blind to the changes that go on in their own and others lives. (Fred Emery (an Australian polymath: School pokes your eyes out and Uni teaches you to read Braille.)
Change is all around us, or better, it is us.
Looking forward to the changes on your blog. Wishing you more joy in the New Year.
Evans last blog post..Our Wellbeing Lies Beyond The Blank
Hi I saw you at Pick The Brain. Thanks for commenting for my post.
I’m over 40 and actually feel the opposite is true — change gets easier after age 30. When I was younger, I was always looking around for peer approval. After certain age, that hardly matters. I’m free to do what I want to do because I’m on my own.
But, at the same time, change is always hard for some people, and they can use the excuse of age. Whether it’s too young or too old. Convenient and “scientific” excuse
Akemi “spiritual entrepreneur” @ Yes to Mes last blog post..Success Secrets And The Catch
I have changed more in my 30’s than I have at any other point in my life.
I did what I was expected to do as a child and a teenager, got married and had kids and did that whole thing in my 20’s. But in my 30’s I started questioning all of it: my belief system, what I really wanted out of life, who I really was.
Sheilas last blog post..Starting to play with numbers: Sudoku
I passed my 30s a long time ago, so I can say that change is often something that just simply happens. If nothing else, the passage of time will change you – and not merely in the obvious physical ways.
Another force at work on changing you is changing outside influences. Your environment changes. You’ll react to the ebb and flow of activities.
Plus, your priorities shift as you age.
RhondaLs last blog post..6 Horsey Things About Me
Lots of good thoughts, here. Thank you everyone for sharing.
@Evan – “I think those scientists are sad people.” Love that thought! I think it IS true that most of us become accustomed to our habits over time, but you’re absolutely right that the environment will change us whether we want it to or not. That is something I try to address on this blog, but it’s a huge, challenging subject and I know I’m just scratching the surface.
@Akemi & Sheila – I never thought about the social approval aspect of all of this. That is a great point. Young people do tend to be pretty conformist when making major life decisions, and that does go away for some people over time. Good thoughts.
@Chris – I think I’ll skip the base jumping, even if my bones could handle it right now!!
Being 32 myself I can see how it gets tougher every year to make the life changes that need to be made. I think the problem is in our desire to change. In our teens or even our twenties, motivation was all we needed to get ourselves going, but as we get older motivation is not enough. We need desire to get us going and keep us going!
Jays last blog post..What I learned from Being “Laid Offâ€
I do not believe it is close to impossible to change for those over 30. Certain new things do become more difficult as we age, learning a new language for instance. But much of our “inability” to change is just an acceptance that we will not put in the effort to change. Those that are willing to change at any time (over 30 or before) can do so. Some things are hard but I believe we put far too much concern in the affect of age.