Over time, everyone changes their opinions and actions. Much of this change happens so slowly that we don’t even notice it. At the age of 18 a person might be quite liberal in their political views, but by 45 they find that they agree with conservative opinions much more frequently.

How do these kinds of gradual changes happen? More importantly, are these good things to allow to happen to us, or are they a threat to our own mental and emotional free will? This post explores some of these questions and tries to find a solution that allows us to live in society, but remain true to our own values.

Life in an Open System

All people are subject to the influences that surround us. Unless you are a hermit cut off from all communication with the outside world, you will encounter many ideas, opinions and lifestyle choices that are different from your own. Over time if you are around certain influences often enough, you may adopt those viewpoints as your own. Most of the time, these types of changes aren’t a problem because many of the choices that we make (i.e., is brown or blue a better color for me?) are pretty value neutral. However, if you are committed to living your life intentionally and keeping in line with your values, it is important to pay attention to little shifts in thought and behavior and check them against your core values.

So, what is the difference between an intentional change and change that comes from external influences? And how can you work with both to live a life that is in line with your values?

Internally Driven Change

When most people think about thought or behavior change, they think about making a conscious decision to change and then following up on it. This is certainly one path to change, and it is often the most powerful path to take.

The diagram to the left illustrates the forces at work in this type of change. You are at the center of the process and change is radiating out from your thoughts and actions. It is always possible that you can influence others to change, but this is not guaranteed.

The “Green” movement that is so popular at the moment provides a lot of examples of a single person making a conscious decision to change their own actions. When Willie Nelson began fueling his tour bus with biodiesel, he was one of the few people taking this step. His own thought process and values (concern for the environment and for American farmers) led him to make that change.

One of the consequences of internally driven change is that it can leave you in a solitary – often lonely – position. If other people in your social and professional circles aren’t making the same changes it can be difficult to maintain the change. When I decided to become a vegetarian over 10 years ago, there were very few people in my part of the country following this lifestyle. I faced some resistance from friends and family who thought that my choice was unhealthy. There also were not a lot of resources available at that time that supported a vegetarian lifestyle. I persisted in the change only because it was such a strong part of my value system. It certainly would have been easier to just go back to being an omnivore.

Externally Driven Change

Change that is driven externally often happens more slowly and more subtly than a change that is made consciously. As you are exposed to other people, advertising, media, literature, and everything else you encounter in your daily life, it inevitably begins to influence your thoughts and actions. This path to change is not always intentional, and it is not always in line with your personal values, but it is nearly unavoidable.

Sticking with the “Green” movement example, in many communities there is a growing stigma against owning an SUV. Many people who would have purchased an SUV – or who owned one in the past – are now shopping for smaller, more fuel efficient vehicles. This may be partially in keeping with their own desires, such as their desire to spend less money on gasoline. However, their decision is also influenced by the social pressures they face. If they purchase another SUV, their neighbors might suggest that they aren’t eco-friendly or green, so they purchase a compact car and tell themselves that it was solely their decision.

In this example, many of us would say that the social pressure that influenced our new compact car owner led to a positive change – one that will help the environment as well as the bank account. However, the change may not be in line with that person’s core values. They may value activities like camping that are limited by their new car, or they might have many family members that can’t ride with them now that they have fewer passenger seats. That person is the only one that knows if their car purchase decision aligns with their values.

To some extent or another, this process happens to all of us. I may think that it was my decision to buy soy milk instead of cow’s milk, or to study philosophy not electrical engineering, but it is highly likely that I was influenced in those decisions by my friends, doctor, advertisers, or a desire to irritate my parents.

Am I Being Brainwashed?

Reading through these descriptions may leave you feeling that you have little control over the way that your external influences cause you to change. While it’s true that we are all being influenced all the time, I don’t want to leave you with the impression that you have no say in the process! If you check you current behaviors – and the direction those behaviors have been taking – and find that they conflict with your core values, it may be time to take some conscious steps and drive change in the direction that you want to travel. Here are three things you can do to take control of the way that your life is changing.

• Change your influencers. The people you spend the most time with are the single biggest influencers on your opinions and actions. If you want to stay true to your internal values, it is important to keep company with people who support those values. This doesn’t mean that you have to agree with everything that all of your friends think, but it does mean that you can’t hang around with people who believe the opposite of everything you believe and expect that your values will never change.
• Do periodic value checks. The next time you balance your checkbook or pay your bills, take 10 minutes to think about how your thoughts and actions align or fail to align with your core values. The things you spend money and time on are good indicators of this. If you value health more than television, but spend $150 on satellite TV every month and only $50 on produce, it may be time to change your behaviors.
• Take responsibility for everything you do. Even though you are influenced by many outside factors, you are the person who makes the choice to take one action or another. The more you become accustomed to doing value checks, the more you can make choices that align with your values. If social pressures influence you to make choices that don’t align with your values, explain your values to your friends and avoid influences like television that have a negative impact on you in the future.

As the saying goes, no man is an island. We all live in an open system and are subject to all types of influences on a daily basis. If you want to make more conscious decisions, you have to continuously monitor your choices and make sure that they align with your personal values. Do you have any techniques for staying true to yourself despite external influences? If you do, please share them in the comments.

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