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How can I convince other people to change?

If there is one great mystery in change management, it’s that question. Whether it’s your employees, your coworkers, your children or your significant other, it seems like it’s always a challenge to bring others along with a change. It’s such a problem that I’ve begun to work on a way to use mind control techniques to influence others to change.

I’m willing to teach all of my readers these techniques, provided that all of you promise to only use your new powers for good.

Promise?

Here’s the first secret: You have to lead by being the first to change.

The Trickle Down Effect of Change

Recently I ran across a story in a local business publication that described how a senior executive changed his working style. He had been reluctant to delegate and didn’t feel that it was important to develop relationships with his direct reports. Here is an excerpt from the article: 

When I began to work with him, Roger was doing the work that his managers and other staff should have been doing. He admitted problems in his leadership and personal relationships had pursued him throughout his life. He was wearing down physically and mentally.

Roger and I started with a written action plan… His preliminary action steps were to listen, ask open-ended questions, become more visible to the employees, get to know them on a personal level, and invite them to participate in decisions… These were deep changes for Roger, who had never seen the value in work relationships and had suffered for years because he didn’t focus on them.

Roger has reported some new and remarkable experiences. Employees are opening up to him in a way they hadn’t before. His team has begun to offer ideas and participate in making the changes. His personal relationships are changing for the better. He now understands how a few changes in the way he interacts will increase the engagement of those around him.

What really caught my attention from this piece was the effect that Roger’s change in working style had on his employees. By changing himself, Roger was able to influence his direct reports to take on more responsibility, make more contributions to the company, and add more value in general. I’m quite sure that if Roger continued down the path described in this article, he influenced change in employees throughout his department.

As we can see from this example, change – especially sincere, steadily applied change – has a way of spreading.

Lead and Others (May) Follow

I’m sure by now you can see where this is going. If you are convinced that a change is the best course for your organization, family, or relationship YOU will have to be the driver of that change. Here are a few common examples of desired changes and ways that you might begin to implement them.

• Improved Departmental Meetings. If you are concerned that your department meetings are a waste of time, volunteer to lead the meetings. Create an agenda that focuses on critical issues. Use the time to problem solve in a group setting. Suggest that meetings be scheduled for shorter time periods or less frequently.
• More Organization. Do you live with a messy partner? If you would like to influence another person to be more organized, work on your own systems. This may seem crazy if you consider yourself to be organized already, but there are always places that need improvement. Rework your filing system, hire an organization coach, or implement a productivity system like Getting Things Done.
• Exciting Social Activities. Are you bored with the never-ending round of movies and chain restaurants that you and your friends frequent? If so, you’re probably going to have to be the planner. Find new activities such as art gallery openings, jazz concerts, or even good old fashioned miniature golf that can provide entertainment in a different setting. For extra bonus points do something really outlandish like making friends with a boat owner and arrange a cruise. One of my friends is in the process of chartering a minibus so that we can do an Autumn wine tour.

The secret to making any of these types of changes stick is to be consistent in your changed behavior. You will have to establish yourself as the leader of this change long enough to allow them to become established in the group. If it takes up to 30 days for people to establish a new habit, you may have to be the leader for a minimum of 30 occurrences of the pattern you wish to change. This means 30 departmental meetings, 30 days of messiness, or 30 nights out. If this is too much commitment for you, rethink whether you truly want the change.

So what are you waiting for? Start working your mental powers to influence others to change. When you do, come and tell us about it in the comments!
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