What Wife Swap Can Teach You About Personal Change
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Ok, I have to start this post with a confession. I LOVE Reality Television.
So, now that you’ve lost all respect for me, let me try to justify why long nights curled up on the couch with Survivor and the Amazing Race aren’t a complete and total waste of my life. You see, the best reality TV (or at least the stuff I like) always features some element of radical personal change.
Seem like a stretch? Bear with me for a minute.
One show I find really interesting in a voyeuristic way is called Wife Swap. And no, it isn’t about ’70s key parties 
The premise of the show is that two wives/moms from two very different families exchange places for two weeks. For the first week, they must duplicate the other mom’s routines. During the second week, they get to make “rules” that their temporary family has to follow.
Of course the show goes for maximum conflict, so the families are extremely different from one another. A vegan mom might be placed with a cattle ranching family, for instance. Or even better, a devout Evangelical Christian mom might have to live with a pagan family.
This is all highly amusing, but I am often pleasantly surpised by the amount of real change that seems to occur in the families that go through this experience. At the beginning of the show, these families are always extremely rigid. They have a routine that seems to never differ and their personal roles in their families are absolute. Then of course they go through a traumatic experience with people that they consider freaks who live in a totally unacceptable manner. By the end of the show they have been forced to try many new things that they are determined to resist – but often find interesting.
The last few minutes of the show features some follow-up with both of the families to see if any of the experimental changes have taken hold in their lives. Quite often, the families have found some sort of middle ground between the way they were and the way the swapped mom asked them to live. Most of the families have seemed happy about the change.
So, without actually going on television and exposing your weird habits for all the world to see, what can we you take away from Wife Swap?
- Be open to new experiences. As I said above, many of the family members put a ton of energy into resisting the new “rules” when they come up. By the end of the week, they generally find that it’s not that bad and some of the changes are actually improvements on the ways they were living.
- Realize that you can learn from anyone – no matter how weird
Okay, reality TV shows feature extreme personalities (check out the video below to see what I mean). The interesting thing is, they all manage to make valid points. There is definitely a need to separate the wheat from the chaff here, but we might all be a bit happier if we got in touch with our crazy bag-lady side a little more! - Model yourself after the kids. The youngest children on these shows generally adapt the quickest and enjoy themselves the most. They haven’t had a chance to become set in their ways or cling to one set of habits over another. The parents my be fighting like cats and dogs even after two weeks together, but the kids seem to get over themselves within a couple of days.
I hope you’ve enjoyed this journey into Reality TV land. Perhaps you have learned a lesson or two from other people’s very public bad examples. If so, please share in the comments.
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ME TOO! I love Reality TV.
Not to mention Sex and the City. I am still into the reruns.
Guess we are not too deep and introspective as we like to pretend.
Sometimes anything is a lot better than our real lives when things go wrong.
Love your articles. It is a pleasure to stumble them. You are a wonderful writer.
Even if you like Wife Swap!
I don’t watch TV and do not have any at home. I spend my life in front of my laptop everyday.
I watch a little reality TV, usually something like Queer Eye for the Straight Guy or Intervention. Completely opposite types of shows I admit.
But in watching them, I often find people following their own rigid routines because they don’t know how to open up and go with the flow. Many people seem to be rigid not because they don’t want to change, but because they don’t know how to change. They like their little comfort zones. Change is scary!
By forcing a new routine or new ideas onto anyone, it often allows the part inside screaming for change to come out. With some people, that screaming little voice is so hidden in the sub-basement that it takes awhile for him or her to get out, but once free, metamorphosis!
I was a lot less open to change when I worked in the chemical industry. There were extremely rigid routines to follow 24/7 to be able to follow the routines at work. When I was laid off I was scared, but happy, because I no longer had to do what they said. I could find and be me again. I’ve never been much of a conformist, so no one is ever going to pick me for a reality show.
I’ve been able to adapt and change to the often tumultuous ups and downs of not having a set career or a known, reliable income. It’s scary, but it’s fun! Had the lay-off not happened, I would never have allowed myself to write.
I watch reality TV because I like to watch people. Whenever I go out, whether to dinner or the mall, I love watching the people.
I saw one Wife Swap last year and it was extremely sad. One family liked the change the “New” Mom introduced, but the Mom would not change her habits when she returned home. The husband and son liked the concept of sitting down to dinner as a family and talk about the day. One of the simple changes the “other” mom had made.
I like the shows that show people’s development of skills over time. Yep, I’ll be following Dance Wars and American Idol all the way through. I love how I can watch them on my time through online viewing.
I think Supernanny is also a fun one to watch. She shares some very realistic tips and well, most of us can say, “Thank goodness that’s not ME!” Well, for some days anyway.
Fun read!
I’m afraid I really dislike Reality TV. I think it skews our perception of what ‘reality’ is. Because let’s face it, no one is really interested in reality and these shows are just examples of manipulation and good editing. That shot of the guy breaking down is a perfect example.
Having said that, I did enjoy Queer Eye when it first came out. And hey, it takes all kinds to make a world.
Good thoughts everyone! Thanks for stopping by.
@Corinne – I definitely need some junk food for my brain occasionally. The key, like with all junk food is moderation.
@Raymond – I’m even worse – I usually watch TV while being on the laptop! Hmm, could that explain my growing case of adult ADD…
@Sherri – that’s a great example of being thrown into change and having it turn out well. It sure would make a great series! Thanks for sharing.
@Cindy – I would have to guess that the mom you’re referring to was perfectly content w/ the way things were and no one else’s opinion mattered. I do enjoy some of the longer format shows as well. I find the Amazing Race is fascinating watch because the relationships between the teams undergo a lot of change over time.
@Karen – I agree that “reality” television isn’t very realistic. I guess it just doesn’t bother me
I agree with many of your points Maria!
There’s got to be something good in everyone, it takes humility to look forward to something good in others, and learn from them.
The video is really interesting.
I can’t believe it, with only one junk food can cause such a fuss!
Lol!
Thx for sharing!
Robert
I’m a not so closeted American Idol Fan. ok. And the Apprentice – sometimes. And The Osbornes. or. And Gene Simmons. Apart from that I HATE reality TV.
I don’t have too much time to watch, but I agree, it has little to do with real life. I learn the most from my 4 year old who has been the wisest teacher ever. Want to learn to stay in the moment? Have a pre-schooler live with you. That keeps you nimble, joyful and present.
@Robert – yes, you can learn from just about anything. It’s about keeping your eyes open.
@Michelle – I don’t have any kids, so I’m content to play with my friends’ children and go home to my clean house for now