When I was about 9 years old I went through an incredible growth spurt. As my mother says, I “shot up like a weed,” and grew about 4 inches in a few months.

What I most remember about this time was how uncomfortable I was. My leg muscles were always tight and cramped to the point that it hurt to sit still. I became incredibly clumsy and had to quit my gymnastics classes, which I was pretty good at previously. I was also hungry ALL THE TIME. It sometimes felt like I literally could not put food into my mouth fast enough.

The problems I experienced all stemmed from one issue: the body I had no longer fit the body I was growing into.

I’ve had similar experiences in my emotional and psychological state as well. At times I’ve felt like my current life didn’t quite “fit,” but I wasn’t yet ready to take a step toward my next stage.

A good friend is going through this right now. She is in the process of ending a long-term relationship, but her actions tell me that she isn’t ready to be done with that part of her past yet. The result is this hybrid state of existence that isn’t really in the relationship, but still isn’t out of the relationship. She’s living in the in between right now, working through the last few issues she needs to resolve and trying to figure out what her future is going to look like.

That in between place can be pretty painful, but it also provides an opportunity to live in the discomfort and use it to prepare for the future. It seems to me that every significant change involves a painful time of metamorphosis. Do you think the caterpillar enjoys being stuck in a cocoon? It sure doesn’t look fun!

So, if you are stuck in the doldrums of a life change, what can you do to make the most of it?

• Sit with the pain. Any change or move in a different direction means leaving something behind. Whether it’s a relationship, a former career, or just being able to wear Wonder Woman Underoos, take some time to grieve the end of that life stage. It might be helpful to have a small “funeral” of sorts to say goodbye.

• Take some time to reflect. Do a little analysis on your previous life stage. Decide what you’d like to keep from it and what you’d like to change. Maybe you did a great job being a supportive partner but need to improve on taking care of your own needs. Maybe you still want to wear playful underwear, but realize pink ponytail holders aren’t the look for you anymore. Human beings seem to be wired to want progress all the time. Be willing to use the pause in your progress to gather more information for better decision making in the future. This is a way to help make sure you don’t keep repeating the mistakes from your past.

• Visualize your ideal future. Once you’ve dissected the past sufficiently, take the information you’ve gathered to inform your vision of your ideal future. Be very detailed and specific. If you’re looking for a new partner, make a list of 100 qualities you want that person to have. If you’re changing the way you dress, select the types of lines you want your clothes to have, the colors, the fabrics. This doesn’t mean that you’ll get everything you want, but it will give you guidelines to work from when making future decisions.

Waking up one morning and realizing that your life doesn’t fit you anymore is a difficult experience, but it is also necessary if we want to change and grow. I hope these tips will help you make the most of that transition time and ultimately lead to a better future.

As always, if you have stories to share about transformation, please tell us about them in the comments.

Photo taken from Flickr.
Title: Big ‘Sprout’ inside the Childrens’ Garden’s Giant Seed
Username: Lori; Date Taken: 2004-02-11 22:15:24

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